Thursday, 7 July 2011
I've discovered several things about myself lately since my daughter's summer holiday began. During the school year I don't usually have as much time to do nothing and just be with my thoughts. So in the few days we've had with absolutely nothing to do, I've been thinking quite a bit. Mostly regarding where my life is going.
Sometimes I start feeling really sorry for myself, and I try really hard not to and hopefully that's not how this post comes out. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me or for it to sound like I'm complaining. I love my life, and I honestly wouldn't go back and change many things about it.
But I sit here with nothing to do and wonder...Why am I so lonely? I've decided that it's because I no longer have my brother and sister at home. Even though we fought when they were here, it was still some interaction throughout the day. Now, It's currently 1.50 in the afternoon, and the only interaction I've had all day is with a six year old and a brief phone call from my mother.
Yet I love my time like this to relax. I know I can't have it both ways, but I wish I had someone I could just phone at any time of the day just to chat about nothing like my friends and I used to do in school. I can't even remember how those conversations went.
I watch YouTube videos, read tweets, look at tumblrs and wonder why their lives are so interesting. I don't think my life is boring, but sometimes I want to just go out and have fun without drinking, or just hang out at someones house talking and laughing all into the night. Or to be spontaneous. I plan every aspect of my life and would love to have a night where nothing was planned at all.
I've tried putting together gatherings like this before but usually after we eat, people are saying "I've gotta go because...blah..blah...blah". It's just frustrating....and nothing that can be helped.
I dunno...it always gets worse when I've been off for several days and the day before I have to go back to work I realise I've done absolutely nothing productive at all. Today's, however, could be because I've seen several posts regarding the Harry Potter premiere. I'm really sad that it's over...it's like a chapter in my life is closing..as I'm sure in many peoples lives. It's like the end of school. You're excited, yet scared because you can never go back to that time.
Hell...I'm 25. Maybe I'm going through a mid-life crisis.
Sorry for all of the rambling..just feeling a bit saddened today. I feel like I'm losing a best friend. Harry Potter's been such a huge part of my life for almost fourteen years.
And sometimes I wish I could have such close friends as Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley. It makes me jealous of Harry Potter. Sure, his life is hell. But hell might be easier to endure with friends by your side.
Labels: Harry Potter, lonely, summer